that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
