I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
