my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
