What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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