he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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