You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
