last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
