...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
