I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize