Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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