Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
