I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize