I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
