I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
