I have demons in me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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