Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
