My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize