just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
