dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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