They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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