I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
