I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
