Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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