Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Still dying that you shit outside
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
