false alarm. still invincible.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
