I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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