I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
