i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
