And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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