i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
