You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
