oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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