I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
