You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
