Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize