After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
