i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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