Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
