Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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