i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
