i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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