End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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