1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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