i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
