so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize