Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
