am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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