I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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