@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
