My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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