Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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