3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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