this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
