Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
