This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize