people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
