She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nicole vs. Life
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
