so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
