I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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