oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
