Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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