It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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