Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize