there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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