Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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