Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
