Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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