Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
