if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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