Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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