you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
