So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
