she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
