and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize