I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize