tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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