What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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