Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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