okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize