it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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