Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
