Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want to make out with him forever
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
