so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
