he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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