It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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