and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
