This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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