so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
