i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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