It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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