I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize