my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
