it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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