he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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