I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
