I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
