I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
