why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
