Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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